There’s a fine Chinese tradition of fighting over the restaurant bill. Every Chinese kid has sat at the dim sum table while the parents argue with relatives on who gets the honor of paying the entire tab. When my parents meet up with their friends, there always has to be a discussion on who gets to treat who.
I am a fan of this culture. Breaking bread with others is probably the oldest bonding practice in the history of our species. Treating others to a meal is a show of tenderness and care. I do think our parents’ generation tend to go overboard with the arguing. (The smart and sly move is to go the front desk during the middle of the meal.) Sometimes they forget that it’s suppose to be kind gesture, and not about “winning”.
Money is tricky when it comes to relationships. For sure there are people that use treating others to food as a flex, a sort of “I am better than you” card. On the other hand, the person being treated to may feel somehow inferior. What is suppose to be heartwarming can easily turn into resentment.
As I grow older - and have money - I like to pay the whole tab for my people every so often. The problem is, our generation has technology. The ease of sending money to others (apps like Venmo) means even if I am first to grab the bill and pay it all, it’s stupidly easy for friends to pay me back. The only defense would be to block them on the money apps, which just isn’t feasible. So long as someone disagrees with your gesture, you cannot prevent them from paying you.
Might technology ruin this great Chinese tradition of fighting over the bill?
The honor of repaying.