Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Matthew Perry

I am remised in writing about the untimely passing of Matthew Perry. My friends and I grew up watching him on the show Friends. It’s tremendously sad: a person who gave so much laughter and joy to the world cannot keep any for himself. Perry’s addiction to alcohol and drugs is widely known, so when I saw the news of his death, my first inclination was: “He could never outrun his demons.”

(To be sure: as of this writing, the cause of death is still under investigation. Perry was found unconscious in a hot tub.)

I haven’t the slightest idea what it’s like to be in that deep a mental funk, be it substance addiction, or severe depression. I have friends who are on anti-depressive drugs, and it’s always been a challenge for me to empathize with their plight. It’s like a fully healthy person having to level with a terminally-ill patient. The wavelength of understanding is completely different. All I can offer to my friends are platitudes. Sometimes I would feel guilty to be “normal” and “happy”, when they are in such a rut.

Perry surely had close friends that know of his situation and want him to get well. But they couldn’t do anything for him, just as I cannot do anything for my friends facing mental challenges. The battle cannot only be fought by the person dealing with the issues. Those of us on the sidelines can only wish them the best, and be there when asked.

And if it comes to an end, it was beautiful while it happened. Matthew Perry leaves an enormous legacy of comedic and acting talent for generations to enjoy. Rest well.

One time at a bar

It’s been over a decade since I’ve been at a bar on a weekend evening. It’s really not my scene, you know? First of all, I don’t drink, so the raison d'être for going to a bar is completely lost on me. Since I’m not drinking, it’s got to be for the conversation with friends, right? Well, if you’ve ever been to a bar on a busy night, it’s bloody difficult to talk to one another. It’s so loud that you can’t even hear the jukebox music properly.

And that is why I - and my friends - don’t go to bars.

But there I was this past Saturday evening, sat at a bar in the Marina district. I was there because the classmates from the improv class I’ve been taking decided to go. Nothing like peer pressure, isn’t it? We took in a professional improv show earlier in the evening, and apparently the night was still young enough for some alcoholic refreshments. Thank goodness for non-alcoholic beer: I can partake in the shitty taste, without the alcoholic downsides.

Upon entering I was immediately reminded why I stopped partaking in such festivities. The amount of humanity at that bar was amazing. All there for the privilege of overpaying for drinks and having to yell at each other just to have a conversation. Though if you’re with a significant someone, a bar offers the perfect excuse to get close and whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears. It’s definitely a younger (than us) crowd, too: a whole lot of twenty somethings not wanting to stay home on a weekend night.

Us older responsible adults called it quits way before the clock struck midnight. Sleep is important! So is limiting the amount of alcohol. We were all one and done, except for one guy who had three beers. He seems like the type of dude who can handle his drinks, though. Nevertheless: no need for a Sunday recovery day!

Things are happening!

Hey so what a crazy day thus far. I was ready to walk to work when I received a phone call from my housemate (I was already out the door so a shout downstairs wouldn’t have sufficed). He says his pregnant wife’s (a fellow housemate, obviously) water just broke. Things are happening, so I’m needed to take a sick day and look after the dog. It’s all good: I need very little motivation (slash excuse) to not go to work. And mind you I like my job a lot.

So right now I am just chilling at the house with the dog, whilst waiting for the good thing to happen. How long a woman stay in labor varies, right? The babies (it’s twins) will either come out later today, or sometime tomorrow. God willing the labor period isn’t anymore longer than that! I am most excited (among many other excitements) to finally find out the names. I guess it’s unlucky to reveal the name before the baby comes out? Therefore none of the friends know the names yet. We’ll find out when the boys pop out of the mommy.

And then everything will be different after that. The house will be a constant backdrop of baby noises, interspersed with momentary periods of silence. Noise-cancelling headphone technology will come in real handy for me. Earplugs for sure when I go to sleep. Someone’s going to still get the proper amounts of sleep in this house, and it’s going to be me. Because I need to be in peak condition whenever my help will most certainly be asked for in the coming future.

Half joking aside, it’s rather emotional to think such a big life event is happening for my close friends. I’ve other friends with kids, but this particular one hits figuratively close to home: we’ll all be under the same roof. The fact that I’ll get to witness (and hear) the process on a daily basis is kind of special. Looking forward to it!

Let's get after it

I am definitely not a spring chicken anymore. Three nights ago - due to assisting a friend with Taylor Swift concert logistics - I got only about four hours of not-so-great sleep. Three days later, I am still feeling the effects, even though on subsequent nights I got the proper eight hours of slumber. Imagine had I pulled an all-nighter: I would be a wreck the entire week following.

It doesn’t help that I am returning to work today, after taking the prior week off. It was a rather eventful vacation. Barbenheimer happened: I saw both Barbie and Oppenheimer in theatres. Later on in the week I also saw the latest Mission Impossible movie (the seventh(?) film in the franchise). That is also a film I recommend seeing. Tom Cruise is still at the height of his powers; Dead Reckoning Part 1 is the perfect, prototypical action movie for the summer.

I’d plan to finally do a write-up of my trip to Angel Island a few months back, but my MacBook Pro took a complete dump midway through the week. $850 dollars lighter wallet later, as of this writing the MacBook Pro is restored and back to as it were before it died unceremoniously. This is a friendly reminder to make sure you keep solid, up-to-date backups of your computers. Other than the financial hit, it was otherwise not stressful at all that my laptop went down: I knew I have everything backed-up safely.

The aforementioned excursion to pickup my friend from the Taylor Swift concert at 2:00AM was part of a weekend dog-sit for that same friend. She had a party to attend to down in San Diego. I stayed at her place for two days to watch our dog. I particularly enjoyed the morning walks. Nothing will force you out of bed quite like being responsible for a pet. As an early-riser anyways, it was lovely and peaceful taking our dog out for a walk before anyone else have even woken up.

I for sure miss doing that this morning.

Would you be annoyed?

Scenario: you are driving me and another person. That person is up front in shotgun, while I am sitting in the backseat. You drop off the person first at his or her location. I then refuse to move up front for the remaining portion of the trip, still sitting at the back. Would you be annoyed by this?

Apparently more than one friend is annoyed by this! One so much so that he insists I sit up front to begin with.

The argument I’m hearing back is that it looks like I’m taking an UBER ride from the outside. “We are not your chauffeurs!” said one friend. It’s also slightly disrespectful because I’m suppose to move up front to keep conversation with the driver. To navigate if necessary, be on a lookout for danger in traffic. By staying in the back it shows I’m refusing to take on those obligations. The driver - presumably a good friend - is left on their own.

My argument is I don’t want to move! I’m not so large in size; the backseat is perfectly comfortable. I concede it does look like an UBER ride on the outside. But in terms of having a conversation and keeping a secondary watch, I can totally perform those duties from the rear of the car. Yes, the left side of my face is my best side, but you - the driver - should be focusing on the road anyways!

Of course, being a good friend I will henceforth move forward to the front after the shotgun passenger departs. Or perhaps this is my sly way of claiming the front seat no matter what…

Dim sum on a Friday

My friends and I have been consistently getting together for lunch on Fridays. We live in the same area so it’s easy to meet up. They have the freedom of working from home, and I work only a few blocks from home. Lunch on Fridays is a nice reprieve from the work week, a sort of early start to the weekend. We’re privileged to have jobs that allow us the leisure to do so.

Last Friday we went a bit ambitious. Because our respective afternoons were decidedly not busy, we went to get dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. And if you’ve ever gone dim sum, you know those things take hours. At popular spots on weekends, you will be waiting an hour just to get seated. Koi Palace is significantly less busy on a Friday noon, but even then we had to wait about 20 minutes for a table. Apparently there were lots of party of fours.

I was not surprised, because I knew there would be plenty of Chinese uncles and aunties - since retired - lunching at Koi Palace. What better social spot than dim sum? You sit and chat for a few hours, whilst munching on this and that. I hope my parents will do exactly that as well, once they are retired. My related uncles and aunts already do so back home in China.

So it was a bunch of retired Chinese people, kids that don’t yet have school, and then us at Koi Palace. If you’re able to, I highly recommend going dim sum on a weekday. It’s far more chill and relaxed than weekends. But then you can probably say that for lots of places, like a museum or theatre.

Hanging out with friends again

This past Saturday was a super special occasion: my friends and I got together - indoors, unmasked - for the very first time since the the COVID-19 pandemic began. Going back to this normal part of our pre-pandemic life was weirdly surreal. Throughout the evening I paused to amaze at that we are indeed hanging out together without any safety precautions whatsoever. There were many hugs.

Well, aside from the fact that everyone in the group is fully vaccinated (so calm down, people). With the good mRNA stuff too, and not the Johnson & Johnson single-dose with an infinitesimal potential side effect of blood clots. It is nothing short of a miracle that we were able to effectively eliminate the worse of the coronavirus symptoms less than a year since the outbreak. And it’s also nothing short of a miracle that the Unites States is able to rollout the vaccines so proficiently.

It is thanks to the tireless work of countless others, from medical researchers to volunteers, that I was able to hang out with my friends so freely once again. I shall never take for granted the social joy of sitting around a dinner table, breaking bread (literally: we had sandwiches) with the people dear to me. As last Thanksgiving proved, socially-distanced gatherings and taking food back to our respective homes just cannot offer the same magic and merry. Even an ardent introvert like myself needs some proper social interactions every now and then.

There were lots to celebrate as well. Firstly, we are tremendously grateful that we’ve made it through the pandemic relatively okay. We and the people around us are healthy and employed. As for the rest: one friend just closed on a home, another is starting a new job, and another’s second child has his third birthday soon (it’s today, actually). That’s what these gatherings are all about: celebrating the milestones and turning points of our lives.

Once again, thank you to those that made it possible.