Grace — Blog — Healy Chen

Please be kind

Though I try to remain positive, times are indeed chaotic right now, and many people are going through much difficulty. Even those lucky to not be ensnared by the grasp of the coronavirus may be facing intense economic hardship. or are at their wit’s end with concerning about their children’s education prospects in the immediate future. We’re all trying to be as normal as possible during these decidedly abnormal times, and I think it’s important to keep in mind that it’s possible to have a bad day, and to offer grace to those who may not momentarily live up to our perceive standards of social decency.

We have to keep kindness; for ourselves, and others.

Is there really any use being angry at someone else because things aren’t going your way? Perhaps the line into Trader Joe’s a just a bit too long, and you’re incensed that you have to wait for half an hour in the beating sun before you’re let in; what purpose would taking out your frustration on the line usher serve? An usher who cannot change the situation, and who is probably simply happy that he’s still got a job right now. We can’t treat our everyday situation as normal until things have completely gone back to normal, even if the facade says otherwise.

On the flip side, as a pseudo service person myself (IT support), I have to also be mindful the angry customer may be going through some issues, and them being unreasonable at this moment is a not a reflection of who they are as a person. They’re also simply coping as best as they can, and perhaps complaining why the turnaround time for a laptop service is in the weeks - seemingly forgetting what sort of time we are living in - is just symptomatic of the current circumstances. There’s no need for me to retaliate or increase the snark; it wouldn’t be productive, and I’d be the one suffering the stress.

Try not to be unreasonable during these times, but also don’t be upset at others being unreasonable; what we are living through right now is era-defining and unprecedented. Please be kind.

Grace for myself

In my seemingly never-ending quest to optimize my sleep – because proper slumber is foundational for everything else in life – one of the weak points I found that’s preventing me from falling asleep quickly is the tendency to think and agonize over the mistakes made on that particular day. For sure some days are better than others, but when it’s really bad, I can be awake in thought for hours before finding reprieve.

It’s easier said than done, but I have to let the mistakes of the day go. I cannot mentally beat myself up over with whatever I wasn’t satisfied with during the day, not in the least because it’s robbing me of precious sleep time.

The only thing we can do each day is try our best.

As long as I can answer in the affirmative to the question of “did I try my best today?”, then that is good enough. Mistakes are going to happen: no one is perfect, and as we go through our days there will be words we should’ve said or action we should not have done. The perverse beauty of it all is that we can’t go back to change any of it; what’s done is done, and reflecting on it in bed whilst staring at the ceiling is not going to alter any outcomes.

Not to say we shouldn’t review the contents of our day and how we can make improvements, but the time for that is not the moments just after you get into bed. Do it perhaps on the commute home, or in the shower; there ought to be a demarcation line in the evening where you resolve to change whatever needs changing for the future, and will then cease thinking about it.

Have a bookend to the day: I am thankful for what it was, and shall give grace to myself for the things I’ve done wrongly. After that, the best course of action is to receive enough recovery from a good night’s sleep, and then attack the next day.