Blog

Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

Death of a coworker

It’s a tremendously sad day indeed to find out that one of our coworkers has passed away. We’ve not heard from her all last week, so on the behest of HR, SFPD paid a wellness visit to the coworker’s address on file. Our worst inklings were unfortunately confirmed. The deceased has been battling chronic health issues for as long as I’ve known her. To die so incredibly earlier than you’re naturally suppose to is an absolute tragedy.

I think the news hit the older coworkers more intensely. Seeing someone close to your age die so suddenly is a rather rude wake-up call. You start examining your own mortality, questioning whether you’ve forsaken long-term health for more immediate pleasures. Us Knowledge workers who sit in front of a computer all day have a steep hill to climb in terms of combating the deterioration that comes with age. A majority of my coworkers in their 40s and 50s are not the paragons of health, I’m sorry to point out.

For me, the fear of death is about the sensation of not being here (rather than fearing the agony of death). It’s the ultimate form of fear of missing out. That's why I’ve long been on the exercise, eat right, sleep plenty plan ever since I’ve graduated from university. While aesthetic improvements are nice, the actual goal is longevity. I don’t want to be gone prematurely! I want to be around for all the fun and not so fun that a full lifetime has to offer.

I hope the deceased did not suffer. To have worked with you is a privilege. Rest in peace.

Red in the morning, blue in the evening sun.

So so sad

It is supremely tragic what happened at West Portal this past Saturday. A Mercedes-Benz SUV plowed into a family of four waiting at a bus shelter. The mom, dad, and one-year old son is dead. The youngest three-month-old baby is still in critical condition as of this writing. The driver of the Benz - a 78-year old woman - remains in custody.

A sad situation all round. An infant - god bless that he survives - is without his family. The 78-year old woman will have to live with the steep consequences for the rest of her life. She will be utterly shunned by the community if it turns out she was speeding/road-raging deliberately. Destroying lives over ego; that warrants a one-way trip to the gulags, in my opinion.

This episode is a reminder for my friends who are with new babies: get your life insurance and will in order. I know it is icky and unsettling to discuss death, especially when biologically it is still so far away (god willing). But for the sake of the children, how they get taken care of in the event of an unfortunate accident is to be prepared for now. All it takes is a rogue driver in a speeding SUV (allegedly) to upend your entire reality.

Because your death may not garner any sympathy points from the public to have a GoFundMe for your orphaned baby.

If you’re in the old lady driving a Mercedes-Benz demographic, your insurance rates are going up! That 78-year old woman did so much damage to limb and property that I don’t think even a five million umbrella policy will cover it all. I sure hope the two adult victims have a life insurance policy for the orphaned infant. Because I bet there’s not nearly enough juice to be squeezed out of the Benz driver’s insurance.

Sonny

It was a somber workday yesterday. A coworker got the news that her mother is diagnosed with cancer, and not the good kind. Not to say there is a good kind of cancer, but you know what I mean. My own mother has had breast cancer, which while scary, is imminently survivable. She’s in remission to this day (god willing).

Obviously, my coworkers was in a bit of shock. As a coworker, I was at a lost of what to say, other than how sorry I was to hear the sad news. Was there more to be said? I’m not so sure. It’s tempting to encourage him to take the rest of the day off, but people handle bad news differently. Perhaps being at work and actually doing the work is a needed distraction from the difficulties to come.

It’s never fun when human mortality surfaces right front and center. Most of us go through life running away from contemplating our mortality. That in turn governs how we act each day. We think we have all the time in the world, but reality can snatch it away in a quick second. A normal workday will be utterly interrupted by the news your mother has terminal cancer. What a cruel joke! Just a minute before, another day was going swimmingly.

Sometimes you wish there’s a button to turn back the time. Like there is in a role-playing video game.

The constant contemplation of death should influence our actions. To not sweat the small stuff, be quick to forgive, and say the things you want to say now. Because it can all go away in an instant.

This could be the last time

It only took the second day of 2023 to remind us just how fragile life is.

I was watching the Monday Night Football game between the Cincinnati Bengals versus the Buffalo Bills. Midway through the first quarter, Bills safety Damar Hamlin collapse on the field after a play. Medical personnel performed CPR for seemingly 15 minutes. Hamlin left the field in an ambulance, which is something I’ve never seen before in all my years of watching the NFL. After much hemming and hawing from the league offices, the game was rightfully postponed. The players and football fans caring only about the well-being of Hamlin.

Found out this morning that he suffered a cardiac arrest, and is still in critical condition at a Cincinnati hospital. I join everyone else in praying heavily for the man.

During the hubbub of last evening, I received the tragic news of Ken Block’s passing. In an apparent snowmobile accident, it seems Ken went out the way he would’ve wanted - shredding on a machine and having loads of fun. Block was an enormous figure in the automotive game, leveraging the money he made from founding DC Shoes to do all the rad stuff he wanted: rallying, gymkhana, Youtube channels, building cool cars, to name just a few. Ken lived a life of a true petrol-head, inspiring and entertaining millions.

A hearty rest in peace to the Head Hoonigan in Charge.

Tell people important in your life you love them. Be sure to have a bit of fun every single day. Because the world will keep reminding us that there might not be a next time. Take care.

Death of a grandmother

Thursday night, my maternal grandmother passed away. It’s something the family have anticipated for awhile now, so the news wasn’t too shocking. Probably more relief than anything: grandmother is not suffering anymore. Ever since she took a nasty fall back in early April and then later diagnosed with lung cancer, she’s been in a palliative care situation ever since. She’s a fighter for sure, a long and tough 89 years of life. May the deity in the sky rests her soul.

I largely owe my current existence here in America to my grandmother. She brought my mom and dad over here from China on a family visa. How completely different my life would have been had we stayed in China instead. An alternative timeline not worth pondering about. I’m just grateful and thankful my grandmother made this timeline possible.

Due to ongoing COVID-related restrictions, I’ve long said my official goodbyes to grandmother some months back. The facility permits one visitor at a time, no longer than 30 minutes. Said visitor needs a same-day negative rapid test, and has to fully suit-up with protective gear. Because of that, it was more prudent for my mother and her siblings to do a rotation of sorts. Most of the grandkids visited once and that was it.

Due to Chinese cultural superstition, I now cannot attend my good friend’s - who is Chinese - wedding next Sunday. It is considered very unlucky to partake in celebratory events, until the deceased is properly buried and funeral rites performed. That won’t happen for my grandmother until the Sunday after next. So it is with great disappointment that I had to inform my friend I will be bowing out of wedding party duties.

He and I probably don’t care at all about superstitions, but our parents certainly do. It’s a shame and slightly unfair that I have to miss once-in-a-lifetime (you’d hope!) life milestone of a good friend. Simply to appease the spirits of our dead ancestors. Honestly, I am a bit mad about it.

Kobe Bryant, dead at 41

Quite honestly, I still can’t believe news.

Yesterday I was at a jovial family gathering to celebrate my nephew’s first birthday. During the lunch portion, one my cousins said, “Have you guys heard that Kobe died?”

My immediate reaction was hard laughter, because the notion of Kobe - the Kobe Bryant - dying is so wild and unfathomable that it simply has got to be a joke. I said as much to my cousin - as did other cousins at the table - but he then affirmed his position and restated that the horrible news is absolutely true, and to go check our phones for confirmation.

I thought to myself that if Kobe has indeed died, my phone would be blowing up right now because my boys would for sure let me know of such monumental breaking news. Sure enough, as soon as the lock screen appeared of my phone, I saw the text messages: Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna - among a total of nine people - have perished in a helicopter accident near Calabasas.

I was in utterly disbelief. How can he be gone? Kobe Bryant, the transcendent basketball talent of my youth (more so than Jordan), whose work ethic and dedication to the craft is stuff of legends, can’t possibly be taken away from us already. At only 41 years of age, there’s still so much he has yet to give to the world: to be that wizened man providing guidance to the kids, reminding them the true meaning of hard work, to be singularly focused on what’s important.

It’s a profound lost; of what Kobe has already given to us, and of the immense potential that’s now disappeared forever.

My heart aches for the Bryant family, the unimaginable pain of losing a husband and a father, and a child as well. It’s difficult to think of circumstances crueler than this.

From now on, my every yell of “KOBE!” when I toss something into a bucket or receptacle will be in honor of the great man. Rest in peace, good sir.

Rest in peace, Choi Jin Ri

Today is a very upsetting day.

I woke up to the immensely sad news that South Korean singer and actress Sulli has passed away in her apartment; an apparent suicide. She was only 25 years old.

Depression is a monster.

Sulli used to be a part of the Kpop group f(x), a group I hugely adore and whose musical influence can be seen and felt in contemporary Kpop. f(x)’s second studio album Pink Tape remains one of my favorites ever. Since Sulli’s departure from the group I haven’t followed up on her happenings that closely, though I know that she’s since become a full-time actress, and even had her own pop-up store.

A beautiful life, cut short by the demons of the world.

I hesitate to play the blame game, but Sulli’s suicide has got to be on the hands of Korean Netizens. These cowards have relentlessly attacked and criticized her since her debut in the entertainment business, and it’s so sad and frustrating it’s turned out like this. No person should have to live with such constant ridicule, and even the strongest can and will wilt under such pressure. These keyboard warriors get to live on; would they feel an ounce of remorse? I wonder.

So I’m quite upset because I feel this could’ve been prevented. Jonghyun’s suicide nearly two years ago was due to his inner turmoil, while Sulli’s death was caused by external forces, of people’s inability to be kind to another person, just because she’s a celebrity. It’s needlessly tragic, and I can only tear up at imagining the sort of pain Sulli was in that led her to such a decision.

진리씨~ 수고 많이 하셨습니다. 잘 가세요.