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Short blog posts, journal entries, and random thoughts. Topics include a mix of personal and the world at large.

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I was surprised and saddened to learn a recently retired colleague has pass away. Not even a year into retirement, after over 40 years of service at our university. There were no visible signs of frailty, last I saw the guy. He spent four decades working for a single employer, and didn’t even get to enjoy the fruits of that labor.

It’s truly the stuff of nightmares. The diligent among us, armed with long-term thinking, save and prepare for retirement. We make certain sacrifices now so that our golden years would have the means to be plentiful. And for those sacrifices to all be for naught - that is a scary prospect. We’ve all heard anecdotes about folks waiting until retirement to pursue their hobbies, only for fatal illness to rob them of that opportunity.

Obviously there’s some availability bias going on. The percentage of people keeling over soon after they retire is probably very small. The prudent thing is still for us to monetarily plan for an actual retirement period.

But it’s a mental struggle - for me at least - to balance the distant future and the now. The goal is to minimize regret. Certain opportunities are better taken advantage of at certain periods of life. For example: mortgaging some parts of retirement (by not saving as much) in order to travel in our 20s and 30s can be a logical move. That’s the period when you have the most energy, and the willpower to stomach a crammed hostel stay with a dozen other people.

I’ve no regrets using a large part of my retirement savings to buy a car. The opportunity - my age at the time, money saved, that model’s availability - was only ever going to happen that one time. Protecting my retirement would have meant not experiencing that at all. Ever. That is also the stuff of nightmares.

Obviously, I am not advocating for complete debt-spending anarchy. Spending less than you make, and saving some for a rainy day is evergreen financial advice.

Hassle free

I think what I value most these days is the lack of hassle. I just want to sit and be at peace. Now obviously there are some difficulties to achieving that, as I gesture at this thing called adult life. Too many responsibilities, not enough free time. I wake up in the morning with a list of must-dos, and I don’t feel good about it until that list is done. It’s definitely neurotic.

My BMW M2 is due for new tires, which presents a new hassle. I now have to research, order, and take the car to the tire shop. Another item added onto my list. I am a car enthusiast, but I am not enthusiastic (or no longer) about the parts of ownership that aren’t actually driving. If I could afford to pay a guy to come wash it every few weeks, I totally would do so. But because I cannot, the BMW gets a wash once a change of season.

Ever since the M2 got paid off last year, I’ve been toying with the idea of buying second car. The more I ponder about it, the more I’m leaning towards no (the wallet rejoices). The fleeting moments of enjoying what a second car would bring will not outweigh the additional hassle. I already don’t enjoy moving the M2 during street cleaning days (a San Francisco tradition), so why add to that hassle voluntarily by needing to move two cars? There’s going to be twice the car maintenance, too.

If I cannot have mental peace until things are settled and done, then the point of attack should be to limit the amount of things to be done. Pare away to only what’s important (like grocery shopping), and avoid adding stuff on the whims of fancy. I would love to buy a new set of wheels for the M2, but then I’ll have to deal with storing the original set. I’m not going to give myself that burden.

Goes forever on

I think it’s kind of messed up that once you start weightlifting, you cannot stop. There’s really no goal to reach; you have to put in the work continuously, even if all you want is to maintain what you’ve already achieved. Building muscles and strength is one of those if-you-don’t-use-it-you-lost-it type of deals. Wouldn’t it be lovely if once you reach a 300 pound squat (for example), then you can stay there without doing anything else further?

It’s very much like learning a second language. If you want to maintain a decent modicum of proficiency, you have to study/practice almost everyday. I’ve lost all my one year of Japanese skills because I’ve not practiced meaningfully since high school. This is why when I started self-taught Korean back in 2016, I still practice to this day. It can never stop if I want to keep this skill.

I recently put a pause on my piano learning because I simply do not have the time to dedicate to it. I already have too many hobbies that require daily maintenance. To learn this new skill properly I’d have to give one of those hobbies up. Perhaps that may happen in the future, but as of right now, exercise and the Korean language is more important to me.

It can get dark rather quickly when you rail against change. Ever be in the moment of something great and wonderful, and all you can think about is how to best preserve that forever? I certainly have. I can’t even enjoy that fantastic moment because I’m too caught up with making it last as long as possible, which in itself is not possible. Change is a constant in life, and accepting it as a companion instead of an enemy is the way to live with it.

Otherwise is how you see a type of car collector that puts a car in a giant sealed bubble. What is the point? Even if that car can last centuries, you the human will most certainly not.

Can't have everything

I read on Reddit about this guy who wants to be a competitive bodybuilder, but is lamenting his inability to hang out with his friends. In order to get lean and jacked, the guy cannot go out to eat, drink alcohol, or smoke weed. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, though honestly, who buys cake to not eat it?

What I am reading is the unwillingness to sacrifice. What you’ve heard about life is incorrect: you cannot have everything. You have to choose. The amount of effort and dedication required to be a stage-ready bodybuilder is immense. Those who go on that journey will have to forgo many things in order to achieve the goal. There are no shortcuts, you cannot have both.

It’s the wanting to have it all that leads to upset, depression, or raging against the night. People are pining for the impossible. The new parents who can’t stand to see their single friends hanging out and traveling. Sorry, the tremendous lack of sleep and non-existent social life is part of the deal. The bargain may feel Faustian, but one really can’t be resentful of their kids ruining the life they once had.

I too have felt the misery when I have to choose. For example: I love cars. I’ve been toying with buying another car to compliment the BMW M2. However, it would absolutely crater my long term financials. (I’ve already done it once.) I simply cannot keep two cars and hope to have money for other things I enjoy, such as travel, or expensive camera gear.

I can of course switch careers and get a higher-paying job, but that comes with its own trade-offs. Work-life balance would surely go to shits. Is it worth that just to feed the car enthusiast side of me?

Maybe. I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here. You make a choice, and a door opens while other doors have to close.

Always play offense

American football season is upon us, and all I can think about it to this past Super Bowl.

There I was in China on a Monday morning. Because that is how time zones work. While all my friends were gathered around the television on a Sunday afternoon back in the States, I was vacationing back home in Guangzhou. For a time I was concerned about how I was even going to watch the game. More so because our local team the San Francisco 49ers was in it. I can’t casually skip this one.

To the surprise of nobody, American football does not have a significant following in China. Besides, with an air time of 9:00 AM on a Monday morning, what working adult has time to even watch the game? Never mind finding a bar showing the broadcast. It’s way too early to be drinking, by anybody’s standards.

Lucky for me, the local sports station was showing the Super Bowl. I avoided performing many tricks to one, get by the Great Firewall of China, and two, get a not so legal stream of the broadcast.

The succinct memory I have of the game is during overtime. 49ers kicked a field goal instead of going for the touchdown. Soon as the ball sailed successfully through the uprights, I knew the game was over. You simply cannot take the safe points going up against Patrick Mahomes. Sure enough, he marched the Chiefs right down the field for a Super Bowl-winning touchdown.

The lesson is this: in life, you want to play offense. Even if it doesn’t materially increase the chances of success towards your goal, at least it minimizes regret. Because you took action, instead of reacting to what the world dishes out at you. Playing offense means leaving it all out there; there is nothing else you could have done differently.

Meanwhile, I bet the 49ers still sometimes think to themselves, “What if we went for it on 4th down during overtime, instead of kicking that field goal?”

You can't take a shortcut

Blink and you’ll miss it. My housemates’ set of twins turned a year old! Cliche to say, but it does indeed seem like just a few months ago they came home from the hospital. Those tiny little humans! Also cliche to say: when it comes to kids, the days are long, but the years are short.

I think having children is the best reminder that good results simply takes consistent effort over long periods of time. There aren’t really shortcuts when it comes to raising kids. You change their diapers and feed them milk for the nth amount of time, then they start talking and walking. There’s no hack, or top 10 tips to get your babies to grow faster. There’s only the work, day after day after day.

And unlike something like exercising or going on a diet, parents can’t exactly just stop this whole taking care of a child thing. Well, the morally sound ones, anyways.

Parenting is suppose to be hard. I think if there were this hypothetical shortcut to raising kids, those that did it before the hack was invented would be seriously resentful. The same way those who have diligently paid off their students loans are loathe to see those who didn’t get theirs forgiven by the government. Or those who lost their excess weight through diet and exercise, are hateful towards those who can now simply inject Ozempic into their bellies once a week.

Paradoxical, isn’t it? People love a shortcut (get abs in two weeks videos), but people also hate those who take shortcuts (can also be known as cheating). I think it’s positive to see that ultimately, we all know that putting in the work consistently is what makes that pot of gold at the end genuinely worth its weight.

Perfect Days

It’s rare to watch a movie and have it resonate with me so profoundly.

On a usual browse through Reddit, a user turned me onto the movie called Perfect Days. It’s a Japanese language film set in Japan, directed by a German director (Wim Wenders). The movie details the daily routine of a public toilets janitor in the Shibuya district of Tokyo. Perfect Days was nominated in the Best International Feature Film category at the 96th Academy Awards.

The main character Hirayama is a near mirror image of my proclivities. Toilet cleaner may be a mundane job, but it allows Hirayama leisure time to tend to his hobbies. Like my IT support role at a university, I put in my weekly 40 hours and never have to think about work outside it. I have great leisure to pursue hobbies such as photography, which also happens to be Hirayama’s passion. He enjoys listening to music too (on cassette tapes), which, don’t we all.

When he is on the job, though, Hirayama takes it very seriously - unlike his partner Takashi. There’s excellence to be had, high standards to achieve, even for cleaning toilets. You don’t give any less effort just because the job is low on societal perception, or the pay is horrible. I appreciate Hirayama taking immense pride in his work. Whether we’ve gave our best is something we innately know.

Hirayama is a man of routine, as am I. His workday and weekend never change. He does the same thing and goes to the same places. He wears the same clothes, too. That is all me in real life. Hirayama’s life is so routinized that he gets upset when life’s unforeseen happenstances interrupt the order. Something as simple as not having the same available seat/table at his usual restaurant. I too get upset when my usual parking spot in front of the home is taken by another.

I also get uncomfortable when my normal routine is interrupted with the necessities of social life. Don’t get me wrong: I greatly cherish my time with friends and family. However, there’s no denying that there is a trade-off. Having dim-sim on a Saturday morning means I can’t have my beloved coffee time lounging on the couch, by the window.

The key lesson of Perfect Days is there is sublime in the mundane. A mere toilet cleaner who enjoys photography can have a such a fulfilling and happy life. No matter how much we chase after novelty, most of our days are going to be the same, one after another. I think it serves us better to notice the beautiful and joy in that same boringness.